Do Not Worry About Me

I have never wanted people to worry about me. This have been my motto being an older sister to three others and trying to be a person that others could rely on for stability and advice.  Over the last year and a half, the foundation of my life has been shaken to the point that I am barely holding onto the normalcies of life that I have left. My best friend passed away, my mother passed away, I no longer live with two of my siblings and step-father that I have called “dad” for the past 10 years of my life, and these are among other changes in my life that I have had minuscule amount of control over. I have been torn apart, yet have not wanted people to worry about me. I have had to remain strong because others rely on me, my siblings rely on me and they do not need to worry about me because in the end we eventually we will get through this, but them being younger will need more support. No one has the expectations that I remain stoic about the situation we are in because it is tough and frankly no one should ever have to deal with this at such an age. I am the one who set these expectations upon myself because this is how I have motivated myself to push through another day, week, month, year. I have never imagined that I would have to face these challenges, but I am here now and this is my life.

Although there are days when my barriers of expectation cannot hold my emotions, some no one know about and others my friends and family are understand the reasoning behind my emotions. By the time the next year goes by, I will be in college and hopefully my wounds will have subsided. Next year my background will be a blank slate to new people in a city with new surroundings, no one will know why I feel the way I do. I foresee that others will be understanding of the situations I have been through. Although, I will continue to hold myself to the same expectations by doing my best to hide my emotions. As I know in the end, I am resilient and someone else will need a helping hand.