Ipseity

I have gone through many phases throughout my life and am still going through them to this day. These phases are a method of self-discovery, trial-and-error, it you will. Discovering who I am as an individual is a lengthy project, one that will take me a lifetime of self-reflection and learning of the world around me. In all actuality, it may be best if I did not mention indivduality. True individuality is an impossible task, as far as I am concerned. Rather, who I am as a person is full of bits and parts borrowed and learned from other people. I test many of these mannerisms and quirks that I find interesting and call them phases. These phases are my attempt at finding my place within the world as an individual, all while trying my hardest not to become a cog in the machine of modern society. Finding myself while bathed in the opinions and influence of others possibly be a struggle I fear I may never escape from.

Leaving for college will hopefully be a new opprotunity to participate in a myriad of situations, environments, and locations in a fairly safe way. I will have the opprotunity to try so many new things before starting my descent into adulthood and having to pay my own bills. As I try new things and learn more about myself, I hope to also become more self-dependent and discover my passions in life all while learning to present myself respectably in the public eye. Even in the safest and most caring of situations, people observe and judge each other. People can judge anything that they desire: my clothes, hair, grades, job, et cetera. Of course, I would do the same thing to them. It is for this reason that I temper the judgement of others and transform it into a goal to better myself. For example, I could start dressing in decent clothes or harden my resolve to keep higher grades and perform better in school. The expectations and judgments of others can benefit me just as much as they can dissolve any resolve. The world around me inluences every move I make and opinion I blurt out. I am only beginning to dicover my identitiy and can only hope that with time, my experiences will help me better myself.